come Sunday evening (and probably several hurricanes) we’re getting back on the ferry and leaving Block Island.

Don’t blame me if we all end up dead (tfu, tfu, tfu). Oh, what’s tfu, tfu, tfu? That’s the sound of my spitting three times over my left shoulder, which is what you’re supposed to do if you’re Russian and say something terrible and don’t want it to happen. Because, see, the Gods may be listening and think that you’re putting forth a genuine request, and make it come true. Because although they’re Gods, they skim your blog and don’t understand that you’re expressing a fear and not a desire. But once they see you spitting over your shoulder, that totally clarifies the whole thing for them, and then you’re safe. I’m pretty sure how that works.

(I’d ask papa to explain it to you, but I had to ban him from commenting on my blog, for making INAPPROPRIATE COMMENTS. I’m a little sad that the only two people that I’ve had to ban from commenting on my blog are papa and the Lady Ashfield, John’s gay friend, because he (1) kept MISSPELLING “Lady Ashfield” and posting about my labia, which is just insane because (a) he’s gay and (b) it’s my fucking labia, so lay off.)

Back to my possible demise (tfu, tfu, tfu). I was wondering if I should schedule some posthumous (tfu, tfu, tfu) posts so that while you’re all mourning, my page views wouldn’t suffer, so when I’m reincarnated, I can just pick up where I left off.

Here are some possible topics:

Monday: I’m Dead and It’s All Your Fault.

Tuesday: Bloggers I Don’t Like! (Mr. Linky!)

Wednesday: I’m Watching You From Above and I Don’t Like What I See! (Blog Carnival of Shame!)

I still need ideas for Thursday and Friday. You know, in case my reincarnation isn’t complete by then.

So I heard that Steven Slater (you know, the guy who depending on your perspective is either a Jet Blue cult hero or if you’re not out of your fucking mind, a relapsed drunk-menace to society) is in talks to do a reality TV show about unusual ways in which people quit their jobs.

Because in this economy, quitting your job in a headline grabbing way is what everyone should be focused on.

I’m pretty sure that that’s been the key to the Netherland’s and Germany’s economic success, so it’s about time that America caught up.

But maybe I’m judging too harshly. Let’s explore some job-quitting scenarios together that would make for excellent Must See TV!

Take This Scalpel and Shove It!

Watch as a disgruntled surgeon storms out of the OR! Take that, Obama healthcare!

Every Child Left Behind

Tune in as a teacher tells her 6th graders exactly where they can put that algorithm! Teachers (and parents) everywhere will relate and cheer!

All Landings Are Approximate

Who needs the stress of the attention to detail? Not this air traffic tower control operator!

Reruns Again?

Television writers, tired of not making their fair share, walk off the job.

Country comes to a halt.

Oh.