Husbandrinka

First of all, thank you all for your support and wisdom on my last post. Your words really helped me, and the gifts (that I assume are on their way) won’t hurt either. I am very thankful for everyone who reads what I write and is able to relate, respond and encourage me. My favorite gemstone is ruby. Also, I don’t like floral prints. Just making light conversation. Do with it what you will.

Second, after I wrote that post about respecting my children’s privacy, I decided to read my son’s journal. In my defense, I had no idea that it was his journal and his subsequent protestations of “it says JOURNAL on the cover, mom” are neither here nor there. As far as I’m concerned, it was a marbled notebook that was with his school books, so my perusing it fell under “parental review of academic matters because I am a concerned mother and this seems easier than looking through the math stuff and besides it has fewer numbers.”

So I opened the journal and read this first sentence.

“My name is _____ and so many people annoy me.”

I loved that sentence so much (and yes, he had written his name, but I edited it out, because I enjoy censorship.) I loved that sentence so much because it is like Melville’s “Call me Ishamael” but better. (Disclaimer: I could be biased.) I also loved that sentence because I did not know that the second sentence would list the people who annoyed him, featuring the person who gave him life, love and high cheekbones. I also didn’t know that the list would omit, for reasons that are completely baffling, Dad. Hey, is it me, or is the list of stuff I didn’t know pretty substantial?

“What’s with this list of annoying people?” I asked my kid when he walked into his room like he owned the place.

“Yeah, so?” he asked.

“Well, why am I on it?” I wanted to know. “And more importantly, why isn’t your father on it?”

He shrugged. “Maybe because Dad doesn’t read my journal and you do?”

I didn’t say anything because he hadn’t read me my Miranda warning and I’ve seen enough Law & Order to know how that turns out. But I did communicate with my eyes which I opened extra wide to indicate that I was upset and/or could be a stand-in for Elmo if only I’d grow some red fur.

Later, I brought this up with Husbandrinka.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that he finds me annoying but not you?” I asked him.

“No, I really don’t,” he said. “I think you’ll find that most people feel that way.”

Sigh.

Looks like I’ll have to read Most People’s Journals to confirm this.

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In other news, I can’t stop watching it. Although one of my kids said “you know it’s not real, right?” I love how they worry about me!

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I’m all about trying new and fun things so on New Year’s Day I told my husband that I thought he made social faux pas at a recent dinner party. Obviously he was excited to hear this news and begged me to give him an example. Luckily, I had one at the ready.

When Husbandrinka met a man named Travis at the party, he said “Travis, huh? Isn’t that Robert DeNiro’s character in Taxi Driver? The psycho? Yeah, whenever I hear Travis, I think psycho! Anyway, good to meet you!, Travis!”

I pointed out that saying this within moments of meeting someone probably makes that person uncomfortable and if they’re named Travis like a psycho, chances are that they will snap.

You’d think Husbandrinka would thank me for my wisdom and guidance, but he just shook his head and said that I had no sense of irony and that I took everything too literally and some other nonsense that I stopped listening to because by this time Law & Order: SVU was on and it was the one about the severed leg. Disgusting yet compelling. Also, Steve from Sex and the City was the killer, so if you meet any people named Steve, you should probably steer clear of them.

Later that evening a friend of mine came over, and while we were having some wine, I told her that Husbandrinka and I had a disagreement. And instead of saying something useful like “I’ll pray for your marriage” she said “oh good! tell me!” (This could be why we’re friends.)

And I did, but instead of telling her who said what, I did the I’m Right, You’re Wrong thing and told her that one of us said this thing to Travis and asked her if it was “funny or weird” and even though I opened my eyes really wide when I said “weird” and nodded maniacally to signal to her how she should respond, she said “totally funny.”

Needless to say, she’s on friendship probation, especially because Husbandrinka overheard this and was all “see?” and then turned to her and complained that “it’s so hard being married to someone so socially awkward.”

And that’s when she sprung into action and said things like “oh, Marinka is not socially awkward, she had many friends!” and he said “I have more friends than Marinka!” and then my ex-friend who was starting to get the same look on her face that the patients on American Horror Story 2: The Asylum do when they realize there is no way out of the place, said “you both have lots of friends. It’s really nice.”

And yes, it was very nice. Especially when I said to Husbandrinka that maybe he should give me tips on how to be less socially awkward and he said yes, he will definitely do that.

Which is good news for everyone.

Because in addition to giving me tips to ease my social awkwardness, Husbandrinka will be giving me the gift of blog fodder. And possible justification for manslaughter.

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Great news! And by that I mean “great” “news”! I updated my 2013 Reading List with more books and the first review of 2013. Please check it out.

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