by Marinka on March 19, 2012
It’s time, once again, for I’m Right, You’re Wrong.
A few weeks ago, my sister Mouthy Housewife Wendi tackled the issue of what to do when your friend refers to menstruation as “being on my period.” Some sick shit, right? Well, no sooner did that happen than my friend and homosexual-American Peajaye and I almost came to blows over the term.
Disagreement: Is saying “on my/your/her period” an acceptable expression or should whoever utters those words be punished to the fullest extent of the law?
Disageers: Marinka and Peajaye.
Position One: Don’t say that, ever. It sounds gross, like you’re straddling a period or something. Blech.
Position Two: It’s far superior to say, “on your period” than “having your period”. When you’re “on” something – other than drugs – you’re in the position of power; you’re assuming control. You’re on top. Big (Wo)Man on Campus. On top of the world! I’m on it, boss! You’re on to someone. It’s on, baby! The cherry on top! You’re on board. etc. Even if you’re on the rag, it’s you that’s on top of the rag, not the other way around.
When you’re “having” something, it implies negativity or being subjective; out of control. You’re having a breakdown. You’re having a shit-fit. You’re having a baby (to give to your husband, maybe? and I prefer You’re pregnant or With child or Put on a few pounds in front, no I’m not having a child, how dare you!) Having to go to the dentist. Having sex is good, but Getting it on is better. Even when You’re having a party, there’s work involved.
What do you think? Is “I’m on my period” an affront to human kind or not necessarily?
by Marinka on February 3, 2012
The other day I was emailing with my “friend” Peajaye and mentioned how Husbandrinka was going to be spending the night in the homeless shelter. He does that as volunteer work at his church. And when I say ‘his church’ I mean the church that he attends, lest you think that he leads a congregation.
So Peajaye writes back I know it’s silly of me, but every time you tell me that he’s sleeping in the homeless shelter, I can’t help thinking, “Yeah, right.” It just sounds like something out of a Lifetime movie.”
Which of course got me thinking. How could I have been so trusting, innocently drinking Chardonnay while Husbandrinka was in all likelihood betraying me? It’s hard to argue with a Lifetime movie reference.
I decided to confront Husbandrinka.
“Peajaye thinks you’re a huge liar and are having an affair,” I told him as he got ready to “go to the shelter.” I didn’t want to confuse him with a whole Lifetime movie reference because Husbandrinka is a heterosexual male. Some things are over their heads, the poor dears.
“Oh, yeah?” he said, cool as a cucumber that has been refrigerated. “Why don’t you come with me, then?”
“Because I’m not into threesomes,” I thought. This is how Newt’s second marriage ended, after all. I know about family values.
“Really, it wouldn’t kill you to do some volunteer work?” Husbandrinka is now insisting.
He’s good.
And now I’m so focused on trying to get out of this do-good stuff that I’ve completely forgotten about his mistress.
But I do remember that all of this is Peajaye’s fault.
