I knew that it was inevitable, but I didn’t think it would happen in a room full of people.
Yesterday afternoon I attended my first rehearsal for Listen to Your Mother and to start we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves. Whenever I hear anything along the lines of “let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves” I want to leave the room instead because the pressure to sum myself up in a few sentences is too great. But I’m an adult now and I know that introductions are what normal people do, so I don’t leave the room, nor do I start thinking about what I’m going to say when it’s my turn. Instead I listen to what people are saying about themselves and I laugh and sometimes not laugh because they have interesting, compelling stories and I feel lucky to share whatever space they let me with them and trust that when it’s my turn, somehow I’ll be able to wing it.
And I do. I say my name, that I am a humor writer and that my blog is Motherhood in NYC, which is ironic because my children do not want me to blog about them, so I’m facing a dilemma.
This isn’t new, of course, my daughter has asked me, told me, cease and desisted me not to write about her anymore. My son followed suit, and although he’s younger, and I feel more proprietary about his stories, I want to respect his wishes too. What’s new, what surprised me, is that it just came out, that I said it out loud and that my blog world didn’t stop spinning.
I still have this space and I can’t imagine giving it up anytime soon.
I have many stories to tell– it’s almost spring, so I’m once again trying to get healthy and lose weight (I even joined a private Facebook weight loss challenge group where I have to photograph myself on the scale every week, OMG); I suspect I’m drinking too much, I’m getting closer to 50 than 40, I’m reading more than ever and am convinced that every modern American novel describes a woman as “beautiful” somewhere within its pages. But I’m struggling a little to find a way to make it work. And I am mourning the stories that I can no longer tell.
I hope I find a way. Because yes, I consider myself a humor blogger, but there’s a tiny piece of me that answers to “mom blogger” as well. And I’m not sure what to do with that piece now.