If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably think you know something about my Husbandrinka and me.
He’s the straight man, I’m the floozy.
He’s the rational one, I’m impulsive.
He’s the brains, I’m the looks.
Well, you’ve been duped.
Because of my incredible talent, I’ve portrayed us not as we really are. But the opposite.
Because in truth, I am the rational one that makes sense all the time and he is not.
I haven’t been able to reveal this until now because I was captured and they threatened to take away my DVR if I blogged honestly.
But now I’m free (and besides, the Real Housewives of New York is over, so that threat’s ringing pretty shallow) and I can blog from the heart.
And the truth is, I am a wonderful person. A gem. And one of my many, many talents (we don’t have all day, after all!) is that I am a cough whisperer.
I can hear one of my kids coughing across state lines. And I know immediately if it’s a “must see a doctor” cough or “just a cough”. It’s uncanny. And often wrong, but the point is that it’s uncanny. Not at all canny.
Look, we all have different talents. And this is mine. I’d much rather sing like Winehouse, but we don’t get to pick and choose.
Husbandrinka lacks this talent. Completely. Sometimes he doesn’t even realize that the kids are coughing. (And no, he doesn’t sing like Winehouse. At all.)
So you would think that he would embrace my talent and thank me repeatedly and lavishly for saving our family time and again.
And yet, he doesn’t. Probably because he’s blinded by jealous rage that I’m the talented one.
This is the conversation that we had on Monday.
Marinka: I don’t like Beautiful Daughter’s cough. It’s deep. I think she needs to see a doctor.
Husbandrinka: I haven’t heard her cough once. She seems fine.
Marinka: Honey, you are a wonderful person with many wonderful attributes, but you are not a good diagnostician.
Husbandrinka: Well, you run to the doctor at a drop of a hat, so I don’t think you’re so great either.
Marinka: I now retract all prior statements that contained the word “wonderful.”
So our Beautiful Daughter went to the doctor and she has a cold. So there’s a chance that I was wrong. Or that the pediatrician doesn’t have my cough diagnosing talents. I hope she doesn’t feel bad. She may be a great signer for all I know.
Great news! Nicki has the first part of her holiday wish list up!