On the one hand, things are fine. My family is with me, my daughter is working at a summer job, Young Ladrinka is playing baseball and loving it, Husbandrinka and I are getting along As Well As Can Be Expected After a Century of Marital Blisss, Add An Extra S for I’m Going to Strangle You. But on the other hand, I’m lost. I don’t feel like a humor writer.
Not many people know this, but when my daughter was two years old , I enrolled in NYU Law School’s LLM in Taxation program. If you’re a normal person and don’t speak LLM, that’s a post-graduate degree in tax law. I think it stands for Like the Least Mostinterestingpersonever. I know what went through my mind when I decided to get the LLM– that tax law sounded like a very grown up subject (and it’s true, very few children are tax law experts) and now that I had a child I needed to be a grown up and that if I mastered this then I’d always have job security because aren’t tax experts always in demand? I believed in education, so I could not understand how getting more education could be a bad thing.
Fortunately that mystery was cleared up for me during my first class.
I went in an enthusiastic student excited to have a spiral notebook and handouts again. An hour later I was wheeled out in a coma.
It’s not fair to say that I was bored. Bored is sitting in solitary confinement, bored is hearing the same not very interesting story twice.
I experienced a dose of boredom sprinkled with what the fuck is the teacher talking about and will this class ever end and garnished with please dear Lord let me die right now so that I can escape this torture.
It took me two more semesters to realize that I didn’t belong there. I had no aptitude for tax law and I had no interest in it. I would have to find other ways to be a grown up and make a living.
And I did.
And I learned something that I’m trying to apply today–that it’s ok to have a plan, but if it doesn’t fit, I need to make adjustments. Like maybe being a humor blogger doesn’t fit anymore, the way that being a “mommy blogger” didn’t fit after a while. Or ever.
I’m not sure I have a term for what kind of writing I want to do yet, although I’ve tentatively crossed coupon blogger off the list.
And then Young Ladrinka sits next to me and asks me if I want to hear a song that he just wrote. And I say of course, because what kind of an idiot doesn’t want to hear a song that her kid just wrote and he says, ok, it’s about eyes:
Eyes, they’re in your head!
Eyes, without them you’d be dead!
You’d run into a pole and then your head would have a hole!
So yes, things are fine.
I may even stop worrying about labels and just write.
I’m at The Mouthy Housewives today, giving a fellow baseball mom some advice. Check it out.